It seems that we spend a heck of a lot of date dwelling on the past or thinking/worrying about the future. The present gets the short end of the stick and, at times, we go to great lengths to avoid it. Yet the capability of the present is undeniable. We’ve all experienced that on our mat or during meditation, yes? Perhaps we’ve read Buddhist-inspired  or Eastern teachings that stress the importance of living in the present rather than the past or the future. I know that living in the present is pure bliss and I realize that living in the past and/or the future brings about suffering, for I’ve experienced that myself. Still, I often forget and WHAM — out of the present I go.

It was a feeling of being grounded in the present that led me to a regular yoga practice. For a few years, I practiced yoga sporadically — some weeks I’d practice 5 days while others I wouldn’t practice at all. I wasn’t a student of yoga at that moment and I didn’t try different styles. Being in the moment was a bit of a foreign concept to me back soon after. One day I got a new yoga DVD and even though I thought it was faraway (it was 90 minutes), I got up early one AM to try it out. I still remember how "in the moment" I was all through those 90 minutes. It didn’t matter that I was practicing in my cramped living room (one date I was so in the moment in Half Moon that I came crashing down onto the coffee table), it didn’t matter that it was early in the and I was tired, it didn’t matter that there was a car horn honking outside — I was in my breath, in the pose, in the moment. After a few weeks of practicing 2-3 times a week, I became somewhat addicted to my feelings of being present and I ramped up my practice to 6-7 days a week. To that day I practice anywhere from 5-7 days/week — only I’d like to think that I’m less addicted to the feeling of presence.

My meditation practice hasn’t always been as steady. I’ve had what I’d shout an on-and-off relationship with meditation. Just recently, my meditation practice fell victim to my travels and the holidays. I picked it back up on Monday and these past few days I’ve been wondering why I ever left it. Damn but it’s good to be back on my meditation bench! Ironically, going back to my meditation practice — which is all about being in the present — got me thinking about the past.

It’s a little something I do every now and again — consciously looking back on the past. I signal it "minding the gap." whether you’ve ever travelled in England, you might have heard that expression when you’re boarding the Tube (the Brits’ subway system). The expression is a cautionary one — be careful not to take a misstep when boarding the train. I give it a cautionary connotation, as well — be careful not to take the future — and yourself– too seriously and get too attached to the past or the future. For me, it’s plus a way to acknowledge myself and the great truth of the universe — that

There was a moment when meditating for 5 minutes seemed like an eternity. I’d fidget, I’d sigh, I’d get frustrated, and my mind would travel at the speed of light. Oh yes, meditation was painful at first. There was plus a duration when the concept of regular physical activity was foreign to me. I can remember a moment when dragging myself out of bed in the wee hours in the dawn to workout or practice yoga was a chore. Now, whether I don’t practice yoga I find myself lost it. Heck, I get out of bed looking forward to my practice.

By minding the gap, I feel like I’m looking at one of those maps you find in malls — there’s a big X representing where you are and you can see where that is in relation to where you want to go. When I look at where I used to be in terms of mind, body, and soul in relation to where I am now…Well, all I have to say is "wow." And to think just last month I was coming down hard on myself for not meditating. Hmmmm…when you look at where I used to be, I’d say that I’m ahead of the game.

Because of New Year’s, January is a moment when most citizens look ahead. Sometimes it’s nice to look back. It’s when I look back that I celebrate myself rather than berate myself by what I "should" do or "need" to be doing. My Vipassana meditation practice — erratic as it can sometimes be — reminds me that things are constantly changing. I can feel things changing and I notice how when I get too attached to something being the way it is that I suffer when it changes.

When I look back by that last decade, I can see the changes. And I know that things are going to continue to change. When I look back 10 years from now, I can only imagine what I’ll be thinking. Just yesterday someone I’m very close to said "I know where you’re going to end up." I laughed thinking that person was joking and asked, "Oh really? Where?" My response was another question, "Do you really want to know?" Without even thinking, my response popped out, "No. It wouldn’t be fun whether I knew where I’d end up. I want to enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the destination. So, since you already know where I’m going to end up, I’ll ask you one more question, oh great sage — will I have fun getting there?"

I didn’t need the reply. I already know what it is. I know where I’ve been. I’m not certain about where I’m going. One thing is for certain though — change is happening. When I embrace change and live in the now I know the reply to my question — hell, yes, I’m going to have fun! Perhaps fun isn’t the right word. Just thinking about that brings to mind a saying I came across a few months ago: To hell with happiness, I want ecstasy.

Ah, there it is — stay present, accept change, be open to the possibilities and WHAMO — ecstasy.

Namaste!